Knowledge
by Breen Elodie
Summary: This story is about how knowledge is not always a good thing. Language and a very difficult theme. The first chapter will throw you into the story's plot and the second one will break in the actually story much more. It gets pretty interesting later on.
1. The First of Many

A/N: Don't you just hate these things when they are at the beginning? Anyway, this is a **revised chapter**. I felt I needed to put in a little more than what I had, so there you go. It's still seems too fast paced, a little choppy, or whatever, but I think it's better now. The preview has been taken away because that scene is now in another part of the story. I apologize. Enjoy!

Warnings: Um...AU big time, language for sure, some may be a little out of character but it will be explained, and anything that I deem necessary for this one.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot. Boring isn't it?

* * *

**Knowledge**

What would you do if you knew the person you disliked the most was going to die? Well, let's be honest, you hate him; but the kicker, it's by his own hand.

Simple question really. You don't care about him that much, so do you just leave it alone? Let him be until the day you find him on the floor of the bathroom, covered in blood with a knife still in his chest.

Simple question really. Do you tell him? Do you try to stop him? Is he _worth_ it? He is human after all. You have time to make up your mind but while you're doing that, everything spirals out of your control.

* * *

**The First of Many**

"Turn to page 394…" the teacher's voice droned on.

"I wish he would move along already," Hermione whispered during a Potions lesson.

"You _want_ the lecture to be over?" Harry said with low a chuckle of surprise, "that's a surprise."

"If you were to take Mandrake root and mix it with gillyweed you would get…"

"_Damn, it's been a long day,"_ Hermione thought to herself. And it was only one in the afternoon.

Harry heard an audible sigh and looked at Hermione with playfully narrowed eyes.

"You're bored," he whispered accusingly.

She glared at him and said, "Hardly. I just know the answer," as she jotted down hurried notes to catch up.

"Yes, you are," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

She sighed again.

"So what if I am? At least professor Snape was somewhat more enthused with his job. And Slughorn was jovial. This professor…"

"…and here is when you should see the color change to bluish purple…"

Harry grinned. It was good to have a decent conversation with her. They hadn't had one since summer. He continued, "I think he's worse than Professor Binns."

Hermione chuckled a little too loudly.

"Miss Granger, Mr. Potter are you paying attention?"

"Yes, sir," Hermione said quickly, "Harry was just asking a question."

The professor glared, but continued with the lecture as Hermione looked down at her notes. How could she have been so bored with classes? Lately, all she wanted to do was nothing. Listlessness was so unlike her, but she couldn't help feeling this way. Everything was so unlike her since the war ended.

Looking back up from her notes she stared blankly into space. However as she continued looking ahead the whole room slowly changed. She was now in the Head's Common Room.

She looked around as her feet led her towards the bathroom. The room was in a state. There were tables toppled over and trash all on the floor. Books and pieces of parchment were scattered everywhere. It didn't occur her that this was unusual. Her mind had given way to her feet and she could only think about getting to that bathroom.

She didn't even hear her own breathing or footsteps as she walked and the whole room was eerily silent and cold. But the closer she got to the bathroom, the more her mind began to gain a little bit of control. She noticed something red coming from the crack in the door.

Opening the door, harsh, blue light flooded her eyes. There was blood all around her feet, on the beautiful marble counter, on the walls, on the curtains. Everywhere. And slumped over the tub, was a body. She tried to stifle her screams by putting her hand over her mouth.

Once her mind finally caught up to her, she shakily tried tiptoeing through the blood towards it. Crouching down, she saw his gray eyes and aristocratic face.

"Malfoy!" she screamed as she took hurried steps back.

She felt a cold, sticky something on her leg. Looking down, she saw that the blood on the floor had crawled up her legs and it kept going. She felt her whole body shaking and convulsing. Flashes of the scene before her and of the students in class crowding around her flew by. The blood was now nearing her chest and she could feel her heart growing cold. At that point, she was unable to hold in her screams any longer and she closed her eyes tightly.

"HERMIONE!"

Her eyes opened to find that she was on the floor staring up at nearly the whole of the Potion's class.

"She's shaking, professor, but she's awake," Harry said only a little relieved.

She sat up too quickly and threw her arms around him. She was crying out of fear.

"Harry, what happened? I…" she gasped when she remembered what she saw.

Immediately, she looked for Malfoy who happened to be still in his seat and not bleeding to death in the Head's bathroom. He looked at her with mild curiosity.

"You, well you sort of blacked out then you started screaming and thrashing your arms," was his reply. He sounded alarmed and frightened himself.

"Miss Granger," the teacher came rushing over, "you need to go to the hospital wing. Potter, you may take her," he said with concern, "the rest of you, we still have twenty minutes of class left so get back to your seats or I will give you all detentions."

"Can you get up," Harry asked.

Her eyes went back to Harry's, "Yeah, I think so."

He helped her up and she wrapped her arm around his shoulder for support.

"You're still shaking like bloody leaf, Hermione. What happened?"

All she could think about was seeing Malfoy with knife wounds and blood leaching up her legs.

"I…I don't know."

* * *

A/N: you right into the story chapter. I know it's a short chapter (they hopefully will get longer in the near distant future) but I need a little time to develop the idea behind this one because it deserves some respect. There is going to be more back-story brought into it about the war and it won't seem so choppy. 

I really like the idea behind this, which I will explain later, so we'll just see how it goes. If you do like it at all, please get the word out to other people you know who write HP fanfics. I am always open for questions, reviews, awesome flames...just let it rip and let the fur fly. Thanks!


	2. Stupid Memories:Part 1

Warnings: Nothing to warn you about yet. At least I don't think so…

Disclaimer: I am thrilled to say that I own nothing except for the plot.

* * *

Stupid Memories: Part 1

When Hermione saw Madame Pomfrey, the old mediwitch said that nothing was wrong. Harry didn't seem to think so.

"She had a seizure! She was screaming and her whole body was shaking!"

"Mr. Potter, I have done a thorough exam on her," she snapped.

After calming down a bit she continued, "I know you are worried, but at this moment, I can not find anything wrong with her."

"So you don't know what caused her to have a seizure?" he said rudely and she got annoyed with him.

"It was a hallucination, not a seizure. She told me she saw several different things, though she can't really remember what they were. She is lucid, there's no memory loss, and she has a headache."

She began scribbling something down on a bit of parchment.

"But what if it happens again?" he asked forcefully.

"Have someone call me so I can see what's going on while it's happening. I gave her a potion for the headache and sleep. I am also sending a note to the teachers that she needs a day of rest and that you are going to look after her today in case something else happens," she looked at Harry with a sad smile, "she's going to be fine, dear."

Harry nodded as he looked over at Hermione. She had given him a right scare.

Hermione was sitting on the hospital bed with the curtains half-drawn. She remembered every bit of what she saw and hated to lie about it but she just didn't want to tell Madame Pomfrey. She certainly didn't want to tell Harry, or anyone else for that matter. Her curiosity was now engaged.

"_What does it all mean?"_ she thought.

She heard Pomfrey's footsteps.

"Here is the sleeping potion. I made sure it's a dreamless potion so you will have a good night's sleep. There is two days worth in this bottle, and I think that's everything. If you have any other problems, dear, you know where I am."

"Thank you Madame Pomfrey," she said politely as took the bottle.

She got off the bed and walked over to Harry, who looked a little pale.

_"Poor Harry. After all that happened this summer he doesn't need this."_

"You look like you're the one that needs to be in here," she joked.

"Oh shut it. Are you feeling alright?" he asked as they walked out.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better actually. I guess I'm just a little tired."

He seemed to only half believe her.

"Come on," she continued, "we need to get back to our classes."

"Madame Pomfrey sent a note to the teachers that you need rest and I'm to watch you."

She groaned impatiently.

"But today was a big Transfiguration lesson! It's going to be on the test next week! And I missed the rest of Potions! Then the History of Magic midterm is in a month! Not to mention the…"

"Take a breath Hermione!" he said loudly, "this is what caused your black out. You put yourself under too much stress. Please, just do what Pomfrey and I say. Give yourself a break."

"But I feel fine, Harry! Nothing is wrong with me."

"You don't know that. Please, just rest for today. We can do anything you like."

"I'd like to go classes," she hissed.

"Except that. We can sit by the lake, we can go have lunch in Hogsmeade, or whatever you like."

She gave in. It had been months since the war ended and they never really talked about it. Maybe this could be a good thing.

"Fine. Hogsmeade sounds like fun."

She saw Harry smile and that was enough to make her happy that she gave in.

"Thank you," he said as he gave her a hug.

They continued walking and saw that classes were out for lunch. A tall, blonde, someone walked self-importantly towards them.

"We could even do some shopping. You know, there's a new…"

At any other time, she would have paid no attention to him. But the hallucination was still so fresh and clear in her mind that she couldn't keep her eyes off him.

He caught her staring and gave her a look that said, _"take a picture…"_ as he walked past them. Then it felt as if every eye in the hall was staring at her. Had word of the incident gotten round that quickly?

"…It's supposed to have…Hermione? Are you ok?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I just zoned out for a minute. You were saying?"

"I was talking about a new shop that opened up next to the Three Broomsticks."

"Oh I am sorry, Harry. My mind wandered."

He continued to look at her worriedly, but she pressed on.

"We should get going if you want to get to that shop."

"Yeah…"

* * *

They sat together drinking large mugs of hot chocolates in the Three Broomsticks. So far, it had been pleasant enough. Turns out that the new shop was an Owlry. Hedwig had been missing since Harry's last visit to his Aunt and Uncle's. He still wasn't ready to replace her yet. But he was doing a good job of helping Hermione forget what happened in Potions. Laughing at the past tends to do that. 

"I still remember the first time we met on the train. I can't believe how long ago it seems," she said, "but I have to say, that even though Voldemort's now gone, I kind of liked those simpler times, you know? Being a kid."

Harry chuckled as he wrapped his cold fingers around the warm mug, "I don't think anything in our lives have ever been simple, Hermione. Though I miss staying up late, trying to finish homework while trying to keep Ron awake so he could finish his. We used to make up dreams for Divination. We killed ourselves off several times a month, you know."

"You two were always slackers," she replied with a small smile as she took a drink from her cup, "Do you remember how bight red he'd get if he was embarrassed or angry? Oh I do miss that," she recalled fondly.

"You should have seen his face when you arrived at the Yule Ball fourth year, attached to Krum's arm. He looked about ready to explode."

"Oh, poor Ron. I had forgotten all about that," she said laughing, "He always did have a quick temper. I really do miss him." Her smile faded.

It was then that the reminiscing became hard. Ron died in the war. Neither Hermione nor Harry knew who or what killed him and it remained a painful mystery.

"Yeah, I miss him too."

"Harry, you know, we've never really talked about it. The war, Ron's death."

"And we don't need to," he said sharply.

"Yes, we do," she replied a little angrily, "it's has been five months since you've killed Voldemort, since we've lost Ron. But we haven't spoken a word about it. Sooner or later Harry, we need to deal with it."

After a long silence, Hermione felt that she needed to change the subject.

"How are your Aunt and Uncle? Do they still live on Privet Drive?"

Harry took a long sip of his drink.

"I don't know how they're doing. Hey, I just happen to have a deck of cards. Let's play some cards," he said quickly, not looking her in the eyes.

Hermione was upset with Harry and wondered why he didn't want to talk about the Dursley's, but a game did sound a little more fun than dragging up more memories.

"How 'bout it? Poker?" he said shuffling.

"Real money?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Deal them," she said with a mischievous smile.

* * *

When they finally returned to their dorms, Hermione's pocket was a little lighter than she wanted it to be, but she at least was able to forget about Potions. It took a good deal of effort to make Harry believe that she was all right and that she would be fine. All of this was until she saw the boy that plagued her mind sitting on the couch in the Head's Common Room. 

She actually took a second to study him; his clean, aristocratic face, his long stature. He might have even been attractive to her if he wasn't such an ass every moment he had the chance. But he neither looked nor acted any different than usual. In fact, she thought he was much more of an ass these days than he had been before the summer's events.

"What?"

She was so busy in thought that she hadn't noticed him looking at her rather peculiarly. She was staring again.

"Nothing," she said in a sort of rude tone.

"Then why were you staring at me?"

"I was not staring at you. I was merely looking in your general direction."

"Uh huh," he said looking at the fireplace. Or was it something on the table in front of it?

Something in her stirred ever so slightly. He looked almost dejected. This slight sensation kept telling her to ask what was wrong.

"Malfoy?"

He looked at her with furrowed brows.

"Is there…oh never mind," she said as she shook her head and walked into her room for some sleep, leaving him there.

* * *

A/N: Hopefully you've at least made it to this chapter. I feel like the first one gave away too much because right at the beginning you know what the hallucination is showing her, at least you should. I don't know that it will go the way you guys think it's going, but I don't want to say too much because anything I say will automatically tip you off as to what happens in the end. I've got a few ideas for the ending and for the story in general. But if you've got questions/comments/ideas, I will always reply and give you as much info as possible. 

If you feel compelled to review, please don't hold back. This story, for me, is supposed to be "theraputic," and that is why I am writing it. It's how I deal with things in my life, to write. I understand that you don't want to spend time reviewing something you don't find very interesting, but it would be such a big help if you would just take a minute and drop a line and give me your impressions. How do I know what to change if you don't tell me anything? I hope you can bear with me for long enough to find out how it ends.


	3. Wake Up

A/N: Hey guys! Next chapter, and it's a long one. Yeah! I'm not sure how much I like it in general, but I think there are individual scenes I love.

I think now's a good time to explain a bit about where this story came from; essentially. At it's core, it is about when someone commits suicide, why they choose to do it, and how it affects people that don't know the person, or don't like them, or are close with that person. It should be pretty self-explanatory how people would feel, they'd feel loss, anger, sadness. What's not always self-explanatory is why someone would commit suicide, and how the said people who are affected deal with it. But there's more to this than just those feelings and I'll get into the specifics later because I am still trying to figure out how to explain it to you guys so for now, just read and enjoy.

Remember to review. Don't be afraid to tell me you think it sucks, ok? And if you like it at all, please tell those who write HP fanfics or anybody that writes fanfics about this story.

Disclaimer: I don't think so…if I had millions of dollars like JK Rowling, would I be writing fanfics? Hmmm…

Warnings: Some language, some violence. It gets a little depressing in this chapter I think. Other than that…

* * *

Wake Up

The next day started out better for Hermione. She was also thankful to get through the morning and so far the early afternoon with out another episode and with out any homework. The only thing was people were bothering her about what happened. They wouldn't ask her anything, but they'd just glanced at her and then spoke quietly to the people next to them.

As she sat in Transfiguration waiting for Professor McGonagall, she recalled how much she loved this subject and how lovely this room was; big but cozy, lively but calming. This was her favorite classroom. However, the eyes she felt boring into her head seemed intent on making her feel very ill at ease.

"Class, eyes on me!" the shrill voice of McGonagall rang through the room and everyone did as they were told.

"Today is important because it is a review. I want you to pick one transfiguration you have learned this year. Tell me what it does and how you do it. Extra points will be given to those who can give us a practical demonstration. You have twenty minutes to get your notes and thoughts together. Start!"

There was furious scribbling and page turning. Breathy whispers could be heard from numerous students repeating spells and the swishing wands meant some were practicing their hand movements. Hermione of course needed no such preparation. She had hers picked out and chose to demonstrate it.

She let her mind wander to the hallucination. The eerie feel of it being real, the fact that she didn't have any control of her mind. But she recalled the sensationalism it had and she felt a little comforted that it was just all in her mind. She visibly shook her head to get rid of the memory. She tried to write it off and figured it was just her mind trying to deal with the war.

Before she knew it, McGonagall was calling on students to give their presentations. Neville was called up first and Hermione watched as he nervously made his way up to the front of the class.

"The transfiguration I chose is Corpus Mutatio which allows you to change the shape of your own body for a short period of time."

McGonagall grilled Neville on the transfiguration and as he went on explaining it, he seemed to relax more and get into a sort of rhythm. Hermione was proud of him. He had really changed into a more confident person since avenging his parents. He had grown skilled in many areas of magic and was on his way to becoming an Auror.

He said the incantation and performed the complicated hand movements. In the flash of an eye Neville's nose became smaller and thinner. His face became more oval than round, he slimmed down a little, and his hair color changed to a sandy blonde. The class was surprised and the cheered him on as he changed himself back.

"Well done, Mr. Longbottom. What an improvement," Ms. McGonagall said happily, "Now, Miss Patil, you are next…"

Hermione's mind went off track again. Her analytical brain kicked in and without realizing it, she was putting pieces of the dream together; trying to make sense of what she saw.

"_The room being trashed suggests a struggle. But there was only blood in the bathroom,"_ she shuddered, _"And Malfoy…dead."_

She tried to remember if there was anything on the ground that was important; maybe something she missed. But the more she tried to search her memory, the more it all slipped away.

"Thank you Miss Patil, you may sit down now. Miss Granger, your turn," McGonagall rang out.

"_What am I doing? It wasn't real. There's no poss…"_

"Miss Granger, are you prepared?" the teacher's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, yes Professor. I am quite prepared."

"Then, would you please give your presentation?"

Hermione stood up quickly and apologized for not answering when called. Reciting the incantation in her head, she walked towards the front of the class.

"Aliquid Absconditus," she said clearly, "literally means something or someone concealed."

Everyone looked at McGonagall. They had only just talked about this transfiguration last week.

Feeling comfortable that the class was with her she continued,

"This transfiguration is one of the more advanced and difficult ones because it is more of a transfiguration of another person's eyes and senses. It requires total concentration on those you do not want to see the object. It seemingly makes an object disappear, even though it is not actually invisible. For my practical, I will become "invisible" to half of the class," she finished proudly as McGonagall edged forward in her seat.

If Hermione could not accurately perform the spell, it could be a disaster. She had only attempted this once or twice and never with out problems. A few students audibly gasped, but just for the record she asked for those who couldn't see her to raise their hands. To her joy, about half the class saw her disappear and they applauded her wildly.

She waved her arms and removed the spell, all the while beaming.

"Miss Granger, you never cease to amaze me!" McGonagall said with excitement and Hermione smiled even wider.

McGonagall looked at the clock on the stone wall.

"Goodness! Is it lunch already? All right, we'll finish this up during the next class. Have a good rest of the day."

"Hey, Hermione," Harry said as she sat down for lunch.

The Great Hall was packed with students who were too busy with studies and friends to even pay attention to the boy and girl wonder that helped save the Wizarding World.

"Hey," she replied happily, still feeling good about her demonstration.

"I hear that you wowed them in the Transfiguration with the old Aliquid Absconditus spell," he said with a sly smile, "kind of old fashioned don't you think? I think we all know that one by now."

She could hear the sarcasm laced in his voice and playfully hit his arm.

"Oh shut up, Harry. So I impressed them a little."

"A little? Hermione, do you know that McGonagall can't even perform that spell correctly?" he said, buttering his bread.

"So? I had been practicing that one and I thought it would be good to demonstrate and talk about," she replied as she filled her cup with tea.

"Whatever you say, mate. But I know you just like to show off that big, sexy brain of yours," he pointed to her head with his butter knife.

"Me? Show off? Where did you get that silly idea?" she sipped on her cup.

Stuffing the bit of toast into his mouth, he replied,

"Staying in the same Common Room as you for seven years, having most of the same classes as you, watching you fight with Ron…"

The playful air changed with the mention of Ron. She hated that they couldn't talk about it. They were supposed to be helping each other get through it, not keep it all repressed. It was certainly not like Harry to keep things to himself and everyday that passed without Ron, she felt a little like dying. She needed to talk about to someone. Unfortunately, there was no one but Harry.

"Do…do you want to talk about it, Harry?"

"No," was his surly reply as he swallowed the food and threw the rest back on the plate.

"Harry, we're going to need to talk about him sometime."

"Look, it's just too painful right now, ok? I just can't…why aren't you more upset?" he asked.

"I am upset," she said with absolute anger, "why do you think I want to talk to you? We are going through this together and the only thing you can do is run away from it. That's not like you. You use to let people know when something was bothering you. You would get angry, you would be loud, and you would throw things about."

She could see Harry was doing his best to not cry; whether it was because he was in front of the school or because he was in front of her, she didn't know. She decided that he'd talk when he was ready and gave him a hug.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said into her thick hair.

At the worst moment her eyes focused on the blond sitting at the Slytherin table. He was just sitting there eating. Not laughing, not talking with anybody, he was just there. But even from where she was she could see that his mind was certainly somewhere, doing something.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand it's hard," she broke their embrace and looked him in the eyes, "but you don't need to go through this by yourself."

She gave him a small kiss on his forehead.

"We'll get through it, love, and life will go on," she said with complete faith and honesty.

Harry looked at her in a different way. He wasn't sure if it was her reassurance or if it was that she called him 'love,' but he felt a spark of something that wasn't there before.

"Thank you, Hermione."

She gave him a small smile and told him to eat up.

* * *

After the last class of the day ended, she decided that she would eat dinner in the Head's Common and get some sleep. When the House Elf brought her dinner, she got into her nightgown and sat down on the couch.

Looking around the room, she felt a little calmer than she had in a long time. The windows showed the pitch-black night and for a split second, she wanted to know what it would be like to just leave.

She found herself doing exactly what Harry was doing. She didn't want to deal with Ron's death by herself, and Harry wasn't ready to even try. She wanted to run away. But she needed to be here for him.

She thought about lunch this afternoon; when she called Harry 'love.' It didn't seem odd to her at the time, but now that she thought it over, she began to wonder why she said it. She wasn't one for nicknames, and calling him 'love' just seemed so…different.

"_Harry…love…Harry…love,"_ she tried out and found she rather like calling him love.

Working on her plate, her train of thought got interrupted by the door to the Common Room opening. Pansy Parkinson was slinking into the room.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked the Slytherin intruder.

"None of your business," Pansy said rudely as she entered Malfoy's room.

Hermione had given up any hope of some sort of civilized conversation with any of the Slytherins, so it just didn't bother her. And Pansy was often with Malfoy in his room.

"_Three guesses what they do in there,"_ she thought sarcastically to herself.

Of course her thoughts turned to Malfoy again. She hated thinking about the hallucination, but it was stuck in her head. She again tried to see if there was something she missed but she gave up.

"_Oh, it's just a damn hallucination,"_ she yelled in her head and went back to picking at her food. When she finished eating, she put the plate in the kitchen and went into her room.

Later that night, she woke up to the sound of screaming. She got out of bed and put on her robe. Again, her mind was following her feet and the only thing she could think of doing was getting out into the Common Room.

Opening her door, she saw a very pissed off Malfoy throwing anything he could get his hands on. Finally, her mind was gaining control again.

"Malfoy! What the hell is going on?" she said but he didn't hear her and he kept on throwing things. Something told her to just let him be until he was done.

He finally had no more strength and collapsed in a heap on the floor next to the bathroom.

"Malfoy, are you drunk? What is going on?" she said more loudly; but again, he didn't seem to hear.

She walked to him and in the moonlight she saw something that she never would have thought she'd see. Tears were willing running down his flushed cheeks.

"Malfoy, can't you hear me?"

He seemed to not be paying any attention as his eyes focused on the letter opener that was lying so conveniently next to him. Picking it up, he dragged himself to his feet.

Hermione suddenly had a sickening feeling of realization.

"No, no, no, no!"

He didn't hear her as he went in to the bathroom and closed the door.

She ran to the door, crashing into the things on the floor.

"Malfoy!" she screamed as she tried to turn the handle, but it was locked.

She banged on the door as hard as she could.

"Don't!" she screamed.

All she could do was scream and beat on the door but there never came answer, no noise telling her that he was still alive. Sliding down to the floor, she sat there imaging what he was doing to himself and began to cry.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting when she heard the click of the lock on the bathroom door. The air in the room suddenly became several degrees colder. She heard a scream.

"Malfoy!" she yelled at him as she scrambled to her feet and tried the door again. It opened. She rushed in and saw him with his back turned towards her. The air was freezing and saw unconsciously saw that the bathroom window was open.

"Malfoy?" she said with fear.

He wobbled as he turned around and it was then that she realized what he had done. The letter opener was still in his chest and blood freely flowing from another puncture wound.

"Help! Someone help!" she screamed.

He looked at her directly and shouted, "Wake up!"

Her eyes opened.

* * *

A/N: Hey again guys! Whew! That was a super long chapter. I just got to writing and I couldn't figure out where to end other than here. I was even thinking of breaking it up into two chapters but I figured you could use a good long one. I know it doesn't flow with the story that well so far, but oh well. There's more to come and I think the chapters should be longish. There is still a lot I've got planned out and this **might be** the last one for a while. I've got school and work, but since this story is so important to me, I am going to work on it when I can.

Again, as a desperate plea, review after reading. Please tell me what you think should be changed, what you like, or ask me questions. I always like questions. Or if you just want to send me a review saying it's garbage, I can take it.


	4. Distractions

AN: Hello all! I appreciate the reviews I've gotten and I hope you will all still be interested in this by the time this chapter is over. It's pretty slow, but it's necessary to advance things with Harry and Hermione's relationship. Things are going to pick up and the main plot will be put into full gear if not by the next chapter then certainly the next.

I am listening to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" as I am writing this; truly a brilliant song and band. I just felt like throwing that into the conversation. How's that for random?

* * *

Disclaimer: Don't own a thing except for the plot. 

Warning: Um…yeah…I believe you have my stapler and I will have to set the building on fire because I asked for a pina coloda and they gave me a mai tai and there was salt on the glass, big grains of salt.

* * *

_Previously: "Malfoy?" she said with fear._

_He wobbled as he turned around and it was then that she realized what he had done. The letter opener was still in his chest and blood freely flowing from another puncture wound._

"_Help! Someone help!" she screamed._

_He looked at her directly and shouted, "Wake up!"_

_Her eyes opened.

* * *

_

Distractions

She could feel her body drenched in sweat.

"Granger, wake up!"

Without thinking, she sat up and clasped to whom ever had woken her, crying. She was just glad to be out of her nightmare. It didn't even register that she was hugging bare, male torso.

"What has gotten into you?" the person asked, almost disgusted.

She inhaled a deep breath to try calming herself down then she looked up.

"Malfoy!" she screamed pulling away fast and getting as far from him as she could, "you're not…" the dream was flashing before her eyes and it was a shock to see him standing there.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I'm not what?"

She pulled her knees to her chest and was quivering with fear. She could feel her heart racing towards her throat.

A thud came from the Common Room.

"Draco? What's going on? What was all the screaming?" Pansy appeared in the doorway.

"Nothing Pans. Granger's just had a nightmare."

Pansy glared at her.

"What happened?" Hermione croaked.

"You were screaming a lung out," the Slytherin girl said as Malfoy sat on the bed.

The moon shone brightly through the windows and its light flooded the room, calming her down. Though she was still shaking, her heart was beginning to slow down a little.

"I came in here to see what was going on," Malfoy continued.

She wiped off the sweat from her forehead and ran her fingers through her matted hair.

"Do you need to go the Hospital Wing?" he asked.

She didn't answer because she didn't know.

"Granger?"

"I don't…think so," she replied looking at him. Did he care?

Nodding, he got up off the bed and told her to get some sleep.

"I'm sorry I woke you," she said as he was nearly out the door, "thank you for coming in here."

He gave no reply as he left.

Hermione fell back on the damp bed and began to silently cry. She felt cold and sick to her stomach. She didn't know what to make of these episodes and was too frightened of them to try to remember.

After a long while, her body finally calmed down to where she could stand up to take a shower. Sitting up and putting her feet on the floor, she used the nightstand to help keep her steady.

As she walked towards the door, she passed the garbage can not noticing the empty glass vial of dreamless sleeping potion she had taken only a few hours before.

Her mind was going out of control, turning over the events of the past two days. She felt that there must be something to these, for the want of a better word, dreams.

"_But Malfoy kill himself?"_ she thought as she entered the Common Room.

Tip-toeing across the room, she was glad to not run into either Slytherin. It was quiet and the long shadows looked scarier now than they had on previous nights. A creeping sensation that came out of nowhere crawled up her spine and she quickened her pace. All she could see was Malfoy picking up the letter opener.

Getting to the bathroom door she opened it quickly and rushed in, feeling safer locked away than in open space. As she leaned against the door she felt extremely foolish for being so frightened.

"Get a grip!" she hissed at herself and kicked the door with her heel. 

"_I am not going to let this get to me,"_ she told herself as she walked toward the tub and turned the water on.

The hot water helped her forget how tired her body felt, but neither Harry nor Malfoy were far from her thoughts.

* * *

Breakfast that morning was an odd affair. Deciding that she wasn't going to tell anyone about her latest episode, Hermione was understandably quiet and hoped Malfoy would do the same. But Harry was unusually lost in thought. She often caught him giving her sideways glances every few minutes. 

An owl flew overhead and dropped the _Prophet_ on the table. She opened it and spread it out before taking some eggs and toast.

"Something on your mind?" she asked him as he was gazing dully at his plate.

He straightened up and looked at her.

"Nothing important. Just not feeling like myself today."

She accepted his answer and went back to her paper.

"How about you? You're quiet."

She shrugged her shoulders and continued reading as she answered.

"Mmm…I'm just a little tired."

"Have you had another episode?" he asked worriedly.

"Nope," she replied not looking at him.

"_He doesn't need to know." _

"You aren't pushing yourself are you? I mean…"

"Harry, I am fine," she snapped and felt sorry for it. She didn't like yelling at him.

"I'm sorry. I know you're concerned, but I am truly fine."

She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince only him. He looked upset. Ever since Ron's death, they became more dependent on each other and being irate wasn't helping matters.

Folding her paper and shoving her empty plate away, she looked at him and placed her hand on his.

"Let's get some air."

* * *

Snow fell delicately to the ground as they walked. Winter had come exceedingly early this year and Thanksgiving was still weeks away. Usually, Hermione would be thrilled with the year's first snow, but the boy next to her and that blonde haired arse were filling her mind. 

Harry looked downhearted and she hated seeing him like this. She wanted to see him smile more than anything but the way things were going, she wanted to see him cry, yell about how angry he was, or anything that would show he wasn't completely lost to her.

The trees, though thin and gray twinkled in the light from the ice that covered the branches. She heard laughter and saw some students having snowball fights. She let a smile grace her lips and for a moment believed that she and Harry would get on with life. If other's could get through losing their loved ones, certainly two of the saviours of the wizarding world could.

Harry. There was something he wanted to say but he looked as though he didn't want to say it.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked hopefully.

He seemed to be lost in thought and after a bit she stopped walking.

"Harry?"

He turned around and looked at her with an expression she couldn't quite read. Walking up to him, she saw how sad and tired he was and felt so much sorrow for him.

"There's nothing wrong," he answered not looking at her and of course she didn't buy it.

"You can always talk to me, you know that?"

He huffed in frustration and was about to speak when…

"Look out!" someone yelled as a large ball of very cold snow hit the side of her face.

"Ouch!" she coughed as she rubbed her cheek. Dean was running towards her.

Harry took her chin in his cold hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked as though she had nearly died, "are you hurt?"

Seeing him so serious made her laugh; quite a lot. But Harry seemed to take the hint to calm down and laughed too.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. My aim's terrible," Dean said out of breath as he reached them.

"It's alright, Dean," she chuckled, "I've been hit by a snowball before. Besides, I think it was my fault for not paying attention."

"You haven't seen Neville, have you?"

"No, why?" Harry asked.

"I'm afraid he's been a casualty and I can't find him anywhere," he said looking around. His robes were covered in big round blotches of snow.

"Casualty?" Hermione asked, "are the mature, seventh year Gryffindors having a snowball fight?" she finished with a playful smile; hoping to get in on the game. She could sense Harry was also interested

"Why? Does the 'mature' Hermione Granger and the famous Harry Potter fancy a little action?" he joked.

"Certainly," Harry replied, " if you've got room for two more we'll avenge Neville for you, if you like."

"That'd be great! We're up against Seamus and Ernie so be careful."

As Dean brought them up to speed they went off in search of Neville. Hermione was grateful for the diversion.

* * *

"I am soaked to the bone!" Harry laughed as Hermione and Dean walked into the warmth of the school. They found Neville captured by Ernie. 

"I can't believe we won! You guys were great," he replied.

Hermione was feeling elated. The fight had lasted a good two hours and she had been a major contributor to their success. Her bones ached and every inch of her was numb, but what made her the happiest was seeing Harry thoroughly enjoy himself.

"I didn't know you had an arm on you, Hermione," Dean continued.

"I play American baseball over the summer. It's a lot of fun."

"What's baseball?" Dean asked.

"It's a muggle sport," Harry answered.

Hermione yawned and stretched.

"Hey, I have got an idea," Dean said, "I'll go get some people together and we can all go to Hogsmeade for some hot butterbeer, just us Gryffindors."

"That sounds fun," Harry said.

"You guys go ahead, I'm a little worn out," she replied.

"Oh please," Dean gave her a pout and Harry followed suit.

She was tempted, but not catching her death of cold sounded a little more pleasing.

"You boys don't want a girl to tag along. I am going to get warm and take a nap."

They relented and said they'd bring her back some goodies. Harry followed her back to the Head's Common Room entrance. His mood had lifted quite considerably.

"You sure you won't come with us?"

"No, that's ok. I am just tired."

He stepped forward and gave her a wet hug. But the hug was more than a hug goodbye for a couple hours. Harry seemed to have melted into her.

"Did you really mean what you said?" he whispered.

"About what?"

"That we'll get over Ron's death?"

She held him tighter, willing him to be comforted and giving him strength.

"Love, I know it hurts. You and I hurt. I don't think we'll ever get over it, but we will get through it and after a while it won't hurt so much," her voice started to shake.

After a long time, Harry broke their embrace and kissed her red cheek. She felt him breath shaky words on her cheek but she couldn't hear them. Looking into his eyes, she already knew he needed her, but in that moment she realized she needed him.

"Well, you need to get going and I need to sleep," she said looking deep into his eyes.

"Yeah. Sweet dreams."

She watched him walk off and a chill went up her spine as she turned around and said the password. As she entered the Grandfather Clock in the corner chimed. Lunch would be served in a while so she started a fire and got into warmer clothes.

Thankfully it was a Saturday and she had nothing to do but read. Sitting on the couch, she put her slipper covered feet on the table and sighed contentedly with a large book in her lap. But as she did, her eyes drifted downward.

Underneath the table top there were a lot of papers and books that looked oddly arranged. Taking her feet down, she bent over to get a better look and moved the papers out of the way to reveal a book that seemed to have been purposely hidden. Looking around to make sure no one was in the room, she picked it up.

Beautiful was the only word that came to mind and it was a poor adjective. The thick, brushed leather bound book was a rich, emerald green that was so deep in color that her eyes drank it in like water. She ran her fingers over it. The texture was soft and was warm to the touch.

Down in the corner she saw the Slytherin House snake writhing upwards in dark silver. It faced an even more menacing, smoky black dragon with billowing clouds coming from its nostrils.

The two figures were staring each other down and in between their eyes, though it was small, were the letters, "DM." She wasn't so tired anymore.

* * *

AN: So there you go. I apologize if this one is boring. I know it seems that this chapter is nothing but filler until the end, but it is important because it deals with the subplot(s) a little more. I have to admit I don't like this one but it gets the subplot moving which is going to help the main plot's point in the long run. 

This is all I have written down/planned out so far, so I don't expect another one for a while.

Incase you haven't noticed, Malfoy is not in the story that much and when he is, the interaction is kept to a minimum and is "cold." That is for a very specific reason and I have to keep that to myself for the time being. Just know that we will be getting to the heart of the matter in a different way than most fanfics do. Everything will be answered at the end and I will probably have a large author's note at the end to fully explain and answer any questions. I just love a good mystery, don't you?

As per usual, let me know what you think. I hope I haven't bored you guys yet. I know I'm not that good of a writer so it all may seem incredibly bland. That's something I am going to work on. Please forgive and bear with me. I am all ears.


	5. Author's Note Sorry

Wow, guys I am sorry about abandoning this story. As I do have a bit of free time coming my way, I think I may take it up again. It's been a while since I've written anything, but I've been bitten by a writing bug unfortunately so look for some kind of update(s) eventually! I will be working on it this coming wednesday/thursday and I am very excited.

I may re-work what I've got so far before adding any new material. And it might even go into a different section on the site - horror or something. I am going to do some massive amount of planning so it wont be for a while. I'm not sure how things are going to go, but we'll see and I hope to give you guys an awesome story that you enjoy reading. I am shooting for fantastic here!

Oh and if anyone wants to be a beta, I'd love you for it!


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